I
wonder what most of us would say that factor is: a nutritious diet;
eating organically; avoiding chemical additives in foods; drinking
filtered water; having a happy family life; maintaining a “healthy”
weight; not smoking; doing the work that makes us feel fulfilled;
believing in a higher power...all these things contribute to our
sense of well being and, thus, happiness, but are not “the factor.”
It
is...forgiveness... and it appears to be the single most difficult
thing for most of us to do. Simply put, if we forgive, we give up
the “right” to punish or take revenge on someone who has caused
us pain. It has been my experience that many hang onto
un-forgiveness and bitterness because they believe that by forgiving,
the offender is somehow absolved of his responsibility. Truly, that
isn't what happens. Forgiveness is for us and no one else. When we
forgive, we let go of the other person's power that we have allowed
them to have over us. We are then free to grow and live our lives in
peace.
There
is a biochemical reaction that occurs in the presence of violent
emotion...whether in deed or thought. These chemicals eventually
cause significant imbalances in our bodies, even to the point of
illness and pain. I talked about the physiology and neurology of
this in a previous blog about “Hypersympathetic Stimulation Syndrome.”
Research published in two different psychology journals shows
improvements in both physical and emotional well-being following acts
of forgiveness. A study done in 2009 shows an inverse correlation
between forgiveness and depression. It has been our repeated
experience that patients who have come to us for treatment of
protracted or unrelenting pain have all shown levels of emotional
turmoil that directly related to their levels of pain. Interestingly
enough, while actively forgiving, chemicals that cause us to feel
happy (endorphins) and peaceful are released. Forgiveness is an
action that heals like no other.
Here
is an account from Dr. Weil's book about someone who experienced the
healing power of forgiveness:
When
I was two years old, my mother remarried...This man was abusive,
physically and verbally...I was angry for decades. The abuse
affected every aspect of my life. I even married a man much like my
stepfather...I would spend sleepless nights wishing my stepfather
dead and blaming him for everything that had gone wrong in my life.
When
I was forty-four, I saw him again, at my mother's home....He didn't
even recognize me! I was so incredibly angry at all that he had put
me through...and now he didn't even remember....who I was. I
contemplated this situation for a couple of hours...then walked up to
him, kissed him on the cheek and told him, 'You know, I really loved
you once,' and in my heart I forgave him for all the abusive years.
Next
day, I woke up free from all the anger, free from the guilt, free
from the shame. I haven't had a moment's anguish from that man's
actions again. I feel lighter, stronger and more confident. I can't
believe that I let so much of my life be lived under a dark cloud
when all I had to do was forgive, and the cloud was gone.
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