Parents Need to Teach Their Children How to Fail

I was listening to a discussion concerning the death of a referee at the hands of a child competing at a sporting event.  Evidently, the ref made a call on this child that he didn't like and he flew into a rage, assaulting and killing the man.  A psychologist's comments about this horror is frighteningly interesting.  He said that today's children are rarely told, "no," or held responsible for their actions, parents frequently blaming the authority for their child's wrong doing.  He also said that sporting events are often the first time  children are held accountable for their actions or have their actions corrected.

This is very troubling and incredibly serious.  Somewhere along the line we have decided that every child has to be given a trophy for their participation in any sports in order for them to feel good about themselves.  Once upon a time, we played sports just for the joy of competition.  When did competition become a "four letter word?"  Life is not easy; no one is always successful; we fail much more frequently than we succeed.  To that end, aren't we doing a great disservice to our children if we teach them that no matter what they do, they will succeed or win?

When our children were little, they were taught that failure was an opportunity to learn something a different way or do something a different way.  We need to show our children that failure is an opportunity to be embraced, that way they won't feel bad about themselves or be fearful of failure.  Think back to your schooling...did you learn more from a test going over the answers that you got wrong or right?

This past weekend, the US Open Golf Championship was played in Ardmore, PA.  The players, themselves, say that this major is the most difficult they play all year.  One golfer, Phil Mickelson, has played in 23 of these championships, coming in second five times.  He is 43 and knows that the clock is ticking when it comes to his abilities against much younger and stronger players.  He wanted this win so much he could taste it, as he was either in the lead or near it for the first three rounds.  He was committed, focused and single minded.  In the end, he lost; it was as simple as that.  However, his interview, afterward, was amazing and something I think should be shown to every single sports participant by every single coach in this country.  For those who might not know, players who have lost a tournament in golf seldom even bother to give an interview, let alone one such as Phil gave.

When asked about how he felt, he said, "I'm brokenhearted."  He went on to delineate all the shots on all the holes that he failed to play correctly.  He didn't blame the weather conditions (as the world's number one did) or his caddy (as has been frequently done) or any other factor; he took full responsibility and did it with grace and class seldom seen or heard these days.  Yes, he is an adult; yes, he has lost before; yes, he plays an individual rather than a team sport.  But, he had to learn at a very young age that losing is not defeat, that losing is not a failure of the soul and, that in failure, life goes on and can be embraced for all the wonderful things it has to offer.

I so hope never to hear about a child, or parent, taking out their anger or frustration on another coach or ref, ever again.  I hope that parents can see how important it is to take responsibility for their own actions instead of passing it onto someone else or we will continue to see this proliferation of violence.  We have no one to blame but ourselves...not the movies or video games, ourselves.

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